omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
