Kiss
Puke
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize