You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
