Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
