You smell like stripper and shame
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
