his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
