I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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