no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
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