It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
