if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
