I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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