I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize