It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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