A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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