dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
