I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize