she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He did a backflip because drugs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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