you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize