Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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