Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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