everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Are we still banned from the library?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
