I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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