I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
