I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
