You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
