and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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