your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
