1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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