I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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