I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
