I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
