just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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