I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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