mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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