Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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