i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
