wrigley field is MILF paradise
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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