"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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