fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
