Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
