i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
