and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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