i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
