MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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