Sponge bath it is.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
