If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We just shotgunned beers for America
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize