if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
