I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
