Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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