This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
