I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
