WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is this the sara with the beer cane?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
