I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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