well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize