ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
