I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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