We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
