like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
