Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
