Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize