Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
