So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
