Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
