I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
