You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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