i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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