So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
