Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
