If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
