How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
