I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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