just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
