I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
