you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
