You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
