What did we do last night that was yellow?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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