To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
