its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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