Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
