why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
